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In the fifties the media referred to it as “wife-swapping.” Today it’s called “swinging,” but not considering of its name this alternative lifestyle seems to be increasing in recognition among mainstream, middle-aged married couples in America. The popular media are paying increasing attention to the trend, often putting a encouraging spin on the effects which the lifestyle has upon marriages. The North American Swing Club Association (NASCA) claims there are organized swing clubs in almost all states as well as Belgium, England, Germany, and Japan. These clubs are productive businesses which supply all levels of social activities for swingers including vacation plans, special retreat sites for swingers, and yearly conferences and seminars. Lifestyles, Inc., a swingers voyage bureau, booked 700 couples at a resort in Jamaica in December of 1998.
What precisely is swinging? Not like “open marriages” of the 1970’s which promoted non-possessive love and acceptance of unfaithfulness in their spouses, or “polyamory” - the love of numerous sex partners at once – swinging is non-monogamous sexual activity, treated a lot like any other social activity, that can be practiced as a pair. Emotional monogamy, or commitment to the love relationship with one’s marital partner, remains the main focus. Wife swapping is frequently done in the presence of one’s spouse and requires the approval of both to the practice. Though swingers often become close friends with other swinging couples, there are policy restricting emotional involvement with non-spousal partners. While swinging involves having sex with people other than one’s spouse, its supporters claim that it enhances the relationship of the swinging couple both sexually and emotionally. By removing the secrecy and dishonesty inherent in one’s natural wishes for sexual diversity, the couple can explore their fantasies mutually without dishonesty or guilt. By removing the necessity for deceit from the sexual life, a new height of trust and honesty about all of one’s feelings is supposedly achieved without the destructive baggage of distrust.
Swinging as an alternative lifestyle is of both practical and intellectual interest because the challenge to merge sexual non-monogamy with emotional monogamy is deeply “abnormal” from the western model of romantic love which assumes that sexual and emotional monogamy are mutually reinforcing and inseparable. It has yet to be demonstrated empirically whether this alternative lifestyle in fact strengthens or weakens marital relationships, but in an era where 38% of husbands and 30% of wives, sometimes so-called hotwives declare to having had at least one extra-marital affair, where divorce rates for first marriages are approaching 59%, and where family instability and parental neglect of kids has become a major national concern, any effort to redefine “love” and fortify the marital bond is worthy of our interest. If swingers have found a way to stabilize relationships, prolong family ties, and improve the lives of couples we would be remiss if we did not take their lifestyle and their redefinition of monogamous love seriously.
It is concluded that swingers surveyed are the white, middle-class, middle-aged, church-going section of the population reported in earlier studies, but when it comes to attitudes about sex and marriage they are less racist, less sexist, and less heterosexist than the general population. Swinging appears to make the vast majority of swingers’ marriages happier, and swingers rate the contentment of their marriages and life satisfaction commonly as higher than the non-swinging population.